Big Fat Gypsy Prejudice

Tuesday evening sees Channel 4’s programme, ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ aired at 9.p.m. There is one thing for sure, it provokes reaction. Lots of it. I am not a voice for the Gypsy community and I have had more than one ‘run in’ with them. As plumbers, who work a lot with copper and lead, we attract the gypsy’s. They have stolen from us and had to be warned by the local police not to harass us. They can be intimidating. Conversely, I have also done business with them, on more than one occasion, all business was above board and they have proved to be good customers and very prompt payers.

The vitriolic tweets on Twitter, castigating the Gypsy way of life, their morals and dress sense is disheartening and downright vicious. It is prejudice and the passion behind the insults is quite frightening. The programme enthrals me; it shows some interesting aspects of their way of life and their view on the way they are treated. I do not agree with everything they do but it is not my position to criticise. If they choose to be a close knit, secretive, community that is their right and historically I can understand why they are that way inclined.

If the word Gypsy in some tweets were changed to Jew, Black, Pakistani or homosexual the majority of these tweets would cause outrage. The Gypsy community has always prompted prejudice and fear amongst those outside their community. Hitler murdered five million of them in the gas chambers. How can we make the world a better place for our children when as adults we attack what we do not want to understand? I wonder how many parents tweeting on a Tuesday evening would tolerate a similar outburst from their children towards any other ethnic group, or indeed, anyone of a different sexual orientation to themselves.

I am wholly in favour of free speech but it applies to all sections of society. Let the Gypsies have their say, after all they are giving us a tiny view into their way of life, we may learn something from them.

Goodbye 2010

As the year draws to a close I have reflected on highs and lows. My world and the world around me seem to have been punctuated with turbulent times. There has been change, discord, misery, murder and natural disaster. There have been moments of intense grief and emotional carnage. If I were to list the things that happened both personally and nationally I could be here until 2012!

Out of it all there have been amazing moments of hope and huge examples of compassion for others. Many of the people that have shown courage and determination in the face of extreme trauma I have never met and am unlikely to do so. People like PC Rathband, who survived a horrific gun attack by a raving lunatic, the rescuers who went out to Haiti and plucked old and young from the maelstrom of floods and gave them hope, the people who built the memorial garden for Alan Wood, the people of Cumbria whose communal misery was witnessed and projected into the public domain by the worlds’ media and the Chilean Miner’s who may have suspected they would never see the light of day again. All these events and people formed the year that was 2010 and have provided some form of inspriatation to me throughout the year.

These traumas have drawn people together, whether by design or out of necessity. My own problems are insignificant in the grand scale of things and to all those people I don’t know, but who continue to provide inspiration in people they have never met, Thank You. To those I do know and who have held me up physically and emotionally whilst my brain thrashed around in its own sea of inadequacy this year a heartfelt Thanks. I hope, one day, I am able to repay your kindness and compassion. In the meantime I wish all my friends an absolute corker of a year in 2011 and let’s kick the ass of 2010 into touch with a bloody large Gin and Tonic to help us on our way.

A note to the Prime Minister

Dear Mr PM

Yesterday my husband laid off one of our best workers. He was loyal, hard working and dedicated. We have tightened our belts and downsized our company to protect ourselves and our business for the past eighteen months. Darren had been with us for four years, he is in his mid thirties, he is not nameless, he isn’t a P45 or a dispensable commodity. He was a married man, with a mortgage, a wife and he is a damned good friend as well as an employee. When my husband told him we had no choice but to lay him off, Darren cried Mr PM but despite his own misery he understood our position.

My husband is distraught, he would be the first to admit he sobbed and I mean he sobbed. He is inconsolable; he laid off a good man and a friend. He shattered his friend’s life, rocked his stability and caused him grief and pain. He had no choice. Me and my husband are not hard faced business people, we are a small family business who have trained at least 5 young men over the past few years to become plumbers. We have sacrificed our time, our energy and our money to build a business we are proud of and that we love. My husband has a conscience, dedication to his work and the men he employs. He is a kind, gentle man.

Why am I writing this to you? Because I hope you never suffer the misery my husband did. I hope you can remember my story. Every day we fret for our future, we are the human face of your country, we are the hope for your country and your ‘Green’ Policies. We have a home, a mortgage, children and our one remaining employee. Think very carefully Mr PM about your decisions. I would hate for your wife to have to hold you whilst you sobbed the anger and the misery of your decisions out of your body. I would hate for you to have to turn to her and say, ‘all my life I have worked long and hard and for what? This!’.

We are not unique Mr PM; this is the country you inherited. It may be useful to you every now and again to remember the words of Yeats, ‘Tread softly because you tread on my dreams’. A country without dreams and hope for the future is like a man without a heart, it is a shallow, worthless, shell.

Yours sincerely

A Grieving Employer

Lest We Forget

Today is Armistice Day. When I was growing up, I remember my Grandmother telling me the stories of my grandfather and his experiences during the First World War. My grandfather was a quiet, shy man. When he was 17 years old, he joined the Cheshire Regiment and according to my grandmother, ‘he changed’. He fought in several campaigns and many of the young, innocent boys he grew up with never came home to the small market town of Sandbach in Cheshire. These included the 16-year-old boy, who my grandfather held throughout the night whilst he shook and cried with fear, asking for his mother. In the morning, my grandfather’s compatriots had to prise him from my grandfather’s arms as he protested that he was keeping him warm. The boy was cold and he was dead. My grandfather hated to travel but he served in Egypt, amongst other campaigns, where he contracted Malaria and according to my grandmother for many years, he would suffer the effects of malaria with intermittent bouts of shivering, sickness and fever.

My grandmother’s stories are my history. One thing I am certain of is that my grandmother loved my grandfather devotedly all her life and when she talked of the changes in my grandfather, she was not bitter - just resigned. She once told me that after his death, she missed every single day, and she lived over 20 years after my grandfather. No matter how ‘difficult’ he could be to live with he was her true soul mate, she accepted the sacrifices he made, and the impact they had on the rest of her life.

Over the years, I have watched friends go to war in The Falklands, Iraq, Afghanistan and serve during the ‘troubles’ in Northern Ireland. Now when my own children tell me of their friends going out to Afghanistan (one was the youngest solider ever to go Afghanistan, reaching his 18th birthday just days before he was sent) I know they will come back changed or they may not come back at all. When my own ex husband went out to Afghanistan I worried for the effect it would have on my children, I told a few white lies to protect them, making light of the fact that their father was not even in a war zone and that he was in no danger. It wasn’t entirely true but what could I do? They needed to believe that their Daddy was safe but the truth is, no one is safe in a war zone.

Yesterday students from all over the UK protested against cuts in Student Grants. Do not get me wrong, I wholly agree that every person in this country is entitled to a decent education and the opportunities this education could afford them. Had people like my grandfather never fought the wars they did life in the UK may be very different to today. The damage some elements of the protesting of students caused to the Conservative Headquarters was unforgivable. Where was their respect? I am not convinced that the people who initiated the destruction and invasion were all genuine students. I cannot condone the use of violence or destruction. There are too many people, young and old, who have given and are still giving their lives, their innocence, their limbs and in some cases their sanity, for the sake of others. At 11.a.m. sat at my office desk, I will observe the two minutes silence. One of my thoughts will be that some of the people who wreaked havoc yesterday will have the decency to remember that there are people, younger than they are, facing fear for their lives on a daily basis. I suspect those soldiers do not condone violence either, they just have to live with it daily.

It's all about Respect

The Chilean Miners were raised from their own living hell this week. The world watched in awe and amazement and universally we were moved by their stories of resilience and strength. They emerged from a dark choking hole, like human butterflies emerging from the chrysalis of the earth. They were dragged towards the light in a metal pod called Phoenix.

These men had risked their lives to extract copper. Little mention was made of their working conditions. The story was of hope, resilience and the camaraderie they were forced develop amongst their group. They were a shining example of teamwork, strength and faith.

I work in plumbing and heating. When I heard the miners were mining for copper when they were buried alive, it added a completely new dimension to my view of their release. These men, unknown to me, spent their days working in dangerous, dark, inhuman conditions. They risked their lives to provide the basic raw materials that ultimately allow my company to function. Their lives, distantly, touched my own and I was filled with respect for the risks they take in their daily lives.

That led me on to thinking about Big Pink Heart an organisation that promotes the idea that it costs nothing to show respect to others and by doing so we can create a better society.

The following morning on Twitter, someone I follow, was predicting another day of workmen in their house and anticipating their failures before they had even set foot through the door. There was no respect given to the workers, they were the butt of what this person assumed was an amusing anecdote. I felt for them, they were to work for a person who had berated them before they had even arrived.

There was a link between the two groups of workers. Both groups of men, had wives, families and a job to do. They provide a service. They probably dread their daily toil some days, yet they do what they have to do to make it through life. It brought to mind that everyone, no matter what our position in society, should be treated with respect and that respect comes in many forms. Respect for human dignity under extreme conditions. Respect for someone you have asked to complete a task on your behalf because you do not have the skills to complete it yourself.

Respect is a chain reaction and just as the miners in Chile were tenuously linked to my world hundred of miles away, I had respect for the workmen entering the house of someone who had already judged them.

Huge ‘Respect’ to Big Pink Heart some of us ‘get it’ and Good Luck with your challenge because that is what it is; a challenge to change peoples perceptions of their fellow man and to offer respect as a first option, not an afterthought.

http://www.bigpinkheart.co.uk/hello.asp

The Tree

(image ©EllaJenkins 2010)

The weather has changed and it has become decidedly autumnal. After a weekend of extreme negativity from external forces, I am struggling to learn the lessons the last few days are trying to teach me.

I have spent much of the weekend gardening, digging, moving soil and constructing flowerbeds. The solace I find whilst up to my elbows in muck is immeasurable! Who would think the smell of soil and the look of a freshly dug flowerbed could bring such comfort to the soul?

Working on The Alan Wood Memorial Garden has proved to be an emotional experience. Some of Alan’s older and closer friends than me are putting hours of back breaking work into the garden. Sometimes when my body aches from digging, I wonder what drives people to create a lasting tribute like this. I love the camaraderie we have. I have turned acquaintances to dear friends since Alan’s death and oddly, I have laughed more in the past 12 months than I had for some time before.

My youngest daughter and I were having a discussion over the weekend about ‘ultimate good and ultimate evil’. Whilst digging I had time to ponder, quietly, to myself.

Out of ultimate evil has grown a tree with every leaf a symbol of goodness. The wind that strokes the leaves of this tree prompts the tinkle of a laugh, the sigh of hard labour or the shudder of regret. The tree struggles occasionally as the roots try to find their way through the dark cloying soil of darkness and disbelief but look up and you will see light skipping and twinkling over the branches and you know that good will triumph over evil.

Each leaf is a personality touched by evilness. There are young, tender branches combined with stronger limbs extending from the trunk and each one stands basked in the light of hope. The autumn will remove the leaves from our tree; they will fall silently to the ground like quiet tears, apparently taking all signs of hope with them. The leaves will die and rot away but the goodness from them will seep into the dark, damp soil. It will go into a state of dormancy, or so it will appear. It is merely resting, guarding itself against the cold, protecting itself from the elements that nature will use to test its strength. We know that come the Spring each one of those leaves will reappear, thankful to see the daylight, thankful to see the sun, thankful to dance in the breeze. As every leaf sings and dances, the tree is a spectacle of strength, hope and regeneration. It takes all the leaves to create this vision, working in unison, fighting the elements together.

So my puzzling over what the weekend had taught me has become clearer. There is strength in unity. Eventually, despite the struggle against what sometimes seem impenetrable odds, good will always form a close and strong bond in its silent battle against evil.

Watch our progress here:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Alan-Wood-Memorial-Garden/128773460507919#!/pages/Alan-Wood-Memorial-Garden/128773460507919

A First, a 21st and a Heart Fit To Burst

It is my son’s 21st Birthday on the 12th of September. It is my granddaughter, his daughter’s, 1st birthday on the 11th September. What do I think of that? Well, I am incredibly proud.

When I mapped out my life, probably when I was about his age, I never imagined I would not stay married to his father for all of my life and that my own child would be a parent before he was 21. In black and white (or on a screen) it doesn’t look good really. I could be classed as a dysfunctional mother with a son that is far too young to be a father. But, I repeat, I am incredibly proud of my son. He has been with the same girl since he was 17, they did use contraception, but a change in the type of pill and confusion over whether it was the pill that caused his girlfriends periods to stop meant that she was 23 weeks pregnant when they knew for sure.

When ‘that’ phone call comes, you just know what is going to be said. Instinct kicks in, your heart starts to pound and if I am blatantly honest, I wanted my own parents. I was too young to cope with being told I was about to be a grandmother, I was too young to teach my own son how to be a father and I was not prepared in any way, shape or form to deal with the emotional highs and lows my child would be sure to experience. I didn’t shout, I didn’t call him a fool, I didn’t castigate him, I just kept saying the words, ‘it will be alright, we will make it work' and even when I doubted it I kept telling him.

My son was terrified of the birth; he has a genuine phobia of hospital. On the day his daughter was born he went to the hospital, he sent texts every hour and then it went quiet. My husband went to bed, I stayed up. I paced the kitchen floor. I made cups of tea I didn’t drink. I sat on the doorstep in the dark and silence. I felt scared and I felt very alone. At 12.40a.m. I received a text, it was a picture text of one very crumbled, very pink, very perfect little girl. A few seconds later, my son rang. I could not hear his words and I didn’t understand anything he said. I could only hear huge, gasping sobs and I was desperate to hug him. I asked the questions and he gasped back the answers. He put the phone down and for a few minutes I sat on the doorstep on my own in the black silence and I cried. I cried for her future, I cried for my son’s future and I cried with relief for his girlfriend.

My granddaughter’s mother is a fantastic; she dotes on her baby and my son. My granddaughter is very pretty and obviously the brightest baby in the world!

Nearly a year has gone by. My son changes nappies, he feeds, baths, read to/plays with baby and showers her with love. He went back to University a month after her birth and he carried on his studies for 4 days a week, then he came home and spent time with his child and his girlfriend. In the holidays, he has found work on a local farm, every day he is at work by 7,30a.m returning late in the evening and some days he checks the animals on a Saturday and a Sunday. He NEVER complains, he just gets on and does as he needs to do. Yes, sometimes I regret that he does not have the freedom some of his peers have.

In the past year, I have seen him change dramatically. He is even funnier and even more loving and caring. He works incredibly hard at university, his job and caring for his baby. He interacts with his own family more, he helps in the house and he drives me mad not removing his very muddy boots before he comes into the house, leaving pieces of his car lying about the house and he stuffs the washing machine to the gunnel's and ‘forgets’ to hang it out to dry. He is not perfect, thank goodness, but he is my son. Despite the critics he has had over the past 12 months, he has held his head up, stood by his girlfriend and loved his baby as if his life depended upon it. He enters his final year at University soon, he is doing a degree in Physics, this will be his hardest challenge but you know what? He might just be OK and I just want him to know as he approaches his 21st Birthday that I love him with all my heart.