When my children were 2 and 3 yrs
old we took them to my parents in law for a holiday whilst we were there one of
their neighbour’s dogs had just delivered puppies. We chose two and Daisy and Maisy eventually
came home to us. Maisy died some years
ago but Daisy has been my soul mate for 18 and a half years. I loved her for so long now I can’t remember
not loving her. She was the most
brilliant dog for catching rats and mice (a pain in the neck when you have
horses) She has grown up with my 2 eldest children and my youngest (now nearly
15 years old has never had a life without her in it)
As she has got older, Daisy has
lost her hearing and most of her sight.
She has had more than one stroke and her hips aren’t as good as they
used to be. It is sad to see she can no
longer jump on the sofa or climb the stairs to hide under the pillows on the
bed because she knows she shouldn’t be there, but she is my best friend. I have been lucky that all my animals
(horses, cats, dogs, goldfish) have lived long and full lives and I now regret
the days I have cuddled Daisy when it is just me and her in front of the fire
and said ‘do me the biggest favour, don’t let me chose when you die, just go to
sleep one night on your pillows and let me find you cold in the morning’. Today I would give anything to have her here,
under my feet, involuntarily hurdling over her as she gets under my feet whilst
cooking. I cannot begin to describe how
I feel about her; she has been constant in my life for so long. She has never let me down, she has looked
after my children, made me laugh, worried me senseless but most of all she has
been MY constant companion for the last eighteen and half years.
Over recent months as she got
older and more senile, I have mopped up after her, tempted her with titbits
(something I NEVER do with my animals) cuddled her on my lap in front of the
fire when no one was around and valued every extra minute she has given me
because I know her time is now very limited.
Today she went missing, it was my
fault, I let her out and went off to clean the bathroom when I came to let her
in she was gone. Usually she would
return after the ‘constitutional’ inspection of our small village, today she
didn’t. I have searched high and low, in
hedges and fields, I have knocked on the limited number of front doors in our
village, my husband and the local farmer have been out with a Land Rover and a
high powered lamp but there is no sign of her.
I cannot begin to explain my
grief. She is old, she cannot survive a
night out in November. Perhaps she has had another stroke and is lying, unheard
in a ditch. Perhaps someone picked her
up (despite having a collar and tag) thinking she was lost or uncared for. Perhaps someone hit her by accident in their
car and didn’t have the courage to come and tell me. Perhaps she was taken by the foxes (I heard
barking in the field opposite soon after she was missing) as she was too old
and frail to fight for herself. Perhaps
she is locked, inadvertently in someone’s garage or shed. So many questions. All I know is I want her back, I need to tell
her I didn’t mean I wanted her gone when I said I wanted her to go to sleep and
not wake up, I just didn’t want to have to make the decision. Most of all I didn’t want her to leave. I just need one last hug and the ability to
say ‘Thank You’.
