One Girl and Her Dog

When my children were 2 and 3 yrs old we took them to my parents in law for a holiday whilst we were there one of their neighbour’s dogs had just delivered puppies.  We chose two and Daisy and Maisy eventually came home to us.  Maisy died some years ago but Daisy has been my soul mate for 18 and a half years.  I loved her for so long now I can’t remember not loving her.  She was the most brilliant dog for catching rats and mice (a pain in the neck when you have horses) She has grown up with my 2 eldest children and my youngest (now nearly 15 years old has never had a life without her in it)  

As she has got older, Daisy has lost her hearing and most of her sight.  She has had more than one stroke and her hips aren’t as good as they used to be.  It is sad to see she can no longer jump on the sofa or climb the stairs to hide under the pillows on the bed because she knows she shouldn’t be there, but she is my best friend.  I have been lucky that all my animals (horses, cats, dogs, goldfish) have lived long and full lives and I now regret the days I have cuddled Daisy when it is just me and her in front of the fire and said ‘do me the biggest favour, don’t let me chose when you die, just go to sleep one night on your pillows and let me find you cold in the morning’.  Today I would give anything to have her here, under my feet, involuntarily hurdling over her as she gets under my feet whilst cooking.  I cannot begin to describe how I feel about her; she has been constant in my life for so long.  She has never let me down, she has looked after my children, made me laugh, worried me senseless but most of all she has been MY constant companion for the last eighteen and half years. 

Over recent months as she got older and more senile, I have mopped up after her, tempted her with titbits (something I NEVER do with my animals) cuddled her on my lap in front of the fire when no one was around and valued every extra minute she has given me because I know her time is now very limited.

Today she went missing, it was my fault, I let her out and went off to clean the bathroom when I came to let her in she was gone.  Usually she would return after the ‘constitutional’ inspection of our small village, today she didn’t.  I have searched high and low, in hedges and fields, I have knocked on the limited number of front doors in our village, my husband and the local farmer have been out with a Land Rover and a high powered lamp but there is no sign of her. 

I cannot begin to explain my grief.  She is old, she cannot survive a night out in November. Perhaps she has had another stroke and is lying, unheard in a ditch.  Perhaps someone picked her up (despite having a collar and tag) thinking she was lost or uncared for.  Perhaps someone hit her by accident in their car and didn’t have the courage to come and tell me.  Perhaps she was taken by the foxes (I heard barking in the field opposite soon after she was missing) as she was too old and frail to fight for herself.  Perhaps she is locked, inadvertently in someone’s garage or shed.  So many questions.  All I know is I want her back, I need to tell her I didn’t mean I wanted her gone when I said I wanted her to go to sleep and not wake up, I just didn’t want to have to make the decision.  Most of all I didn’t want her to leave.  I just need one last hug and the ability to say ‘Thank You’.