Looking Inwards, Looking Outwards

Christmas came in a flurry of wrapping paper, wine, food and snow. Snow! It fell from the sky like a burst feather pillow, only a lot colder. The youngest daughter was, initially, beside herself with excitement. I fell once more, into paranoid mother mode. ‘Do not go out without waterproofs on, you will catch a chill’. ‘Don’t go so fast on that sledge, if you crash into that tree you will hurt yourself’. ‘Ring me when you arrive at work and do NOT drive above 10 miles an hour’. ‘Do not warm your fingers and toes on the fire like that you will get chilblains’. I really do need to let go a little, my youngest is 13 years old soon, the eldest two are 20 and 19 years old respectively.

I tried over Christmas to let go. The whole of the Christmas break was spent doing nothing. I became a hermit and rarely ventured out of the house and grumbled when I did! I am always telling myself; quite literally, I need to get out more. When I had the chance, I didn’t do it. I am becoming a somewhat strange, overly paranoid, recluse. My car has not left the drive in weeks and I am beginning to see trips to the supermarket as an ‘outing’. I look inwards too much.

The Haiti earthquake struck this week and suddenly the desire to stay within the confines of my little world left. I am sure everyone is moved when they see a disaster but this one seemed to stir something stronger inside me. I was very serious when I asked my, already overworked husband, if we could get out there and help get water and sanitation established. I remain serious; I have created myself a small, safe, world in my part of Rutland. Real life isn’t like that though is it? I am extremely fortunate, I ramble on fretting about the minor things but when I watched some of the news reports, worrying about a 12 year old whizzing down the garden with the snow in her face, laughing, made me realise that my worries were insignificant.

My desire to go to Haiti is very real. I can plumb (even if my skills with a blowtorch are a little rusty) my husband is extremely skilled and knowledgeable; surely our skills could be put to use. I am aware to go out now would be foolish, there is chaos out there. Haiti will not be rebuilt or regain any semblance of order for months, if not years. It is time for us to leave our safe haven and make a difference. If we can use our skills to make the difference to anyone by giving them back running water and sanitation or teaching them how to do it for themselves, surely we must make an effort. Perhaps this year’s holiday should be a trip out there, we have the choice, the people of Haiti have no choices. So if anyone out there knows if any organisations are mobilising plumbers to go out there, let me know.